The Nightmare Of Christmas
by LauraahFTW
Summary: Kensi goes missing on the 23rd of December from the Mission; How could it have happened in such a secure place - only meters away from Deeks and another Agent. A note from 'Santa' starts the race to rescue Kensi before she is killed. T for violence.
1. Chapter 1 'Twas the Spar in the Gym

**A/N: Here is chapter one of 'The Nightmare of Christmas' and I hope you like it **

**Disclaimer: Nope, This is clearly not owned by me, if it was I wouldn't be writing fanfic, I would be writing Densi sex scenes, and a lot of them.**

* * *

><p><strong>December 25th - 4am.<strong>

_She woke up in a hot sweat, her hair sticking up in all directions, her heart beating a mile a minute, she was sure this was what it felt like to flatline. She looked around the stale, stone cell in which she was contained, it was empty of everything but a tree and a pole - which she was shackled to - the tree however lit the room, a wire went through a hole in the steel door, strategically placed so the door could be opened without pulling the tree over; The flashing lights taunting her pounding head. Her wrists rubbed against the cuffs that chained her to the pole. She knew better than to yell out for help, because she had no idea where she was._

Kensi squeezed her eyes closed, hoping this was a dream - a nightmare, but she had no such luck. The bolts on the steel door jolted, Kensi panicked and closed her eyes. What was happening? The door shot open with such force that it barley left the tree next to it standing.

Kensi opened one eye ever so slightly, in hope to catch a glimpse of her captor. But what he saw, shouldn't have shocked her. It was a man, but not just any man, a tough man, in a red, velvet Santa suit. He could easily be mistaken for the real item, the suit looked hand-tailored and he had a real white beard, although, he was in no way 'Jolly', the hatred in his eyes burrowed through Kensi's skull - she would never forget those eyes.

The man dressed as good old Saint Nick, grabbed Kensi by the hair, holding something sharp to her throat, and then...

_**Lights out**__.  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>48 hours earlier - December 23<strong>**rd****.**

"Its Christmas Eve tomorrow Kens, what are you doing?" Deeks asked during his knife sparing match with Kensi in the gym.

"Ah, don't remind me!" She said avoiding one of his swings, stabbing the prop knife into his stomach. "I win!" She said triumphantly.

"'Cause I let you win" Deeks fought.

"Sure, like you always LET me win" she rolled her eyes before grabbing her towel and dabbing her face, neck and chest of sweat.

"You probably shouldn't wear such low-cut shirts in gym" Deeks said – averting his eyes towards the climbing wall.

"Why? Is it distracting you?" she grinned and she took a big gulp of water before walking to the side of the mat, petting Monty and picking up her bag.

"Nah, but its '_distracting_' Agent Kevlar, notice how he is staring, and always go to the gym when you do? Plus, He was asking me last week about what you like, and I said something along the lines of 'I'm not going to assist you in trying to get into my partners pants'" Deeks followed her and said quietly as he looked back to the Agent.

"Yeah that is creepy" Kensi squinted her eyes before lifting her bag and putting a towel around her shoulders. "I'm going to the showers." she said handing him her water bottle

Deeks nodded in appreciation and took a long gulp of the water, the icy temperature burning his stomach.

He handed the bottle back to her before speaking again: "I'm going to spar"

"With who?" Kensi furrowed her brow, standing up from her squatting position.

"Agent wandering-eyes" Deeks eyes shot quickly to the man as patted her on the shoulder, practically 'pushing' her towards the showers.

"Mhm, Don't badly injure him" She warned, collecting his signal.

"Not. Making. Promises." His smile grew large.

Kensi turned back momentarily and whispered in his ear. "He is not worth the paperwork"

Deeks scoffed and held in a laugh as Kensi walked off. He exhaled and exercised his arms "Alright Agent Kevlar, we're on" Deeks put on his padded fighting gloves.

"What..." The Agent stood up, confused.

"Time to spar, fists, above waist below head."

"Okay... Why?" The agent complied to Deeks' wishes and stood on the mat.

"Just to train your eyes away from my partners... Physique" Deeks smiled.

"It's a pretty good 'physique'" Kevlar gave him a menacing smile.

"And you creep her out by stalking it at work" Deeks wasn't going to deny the fact that Kensi had a nice body - he would be lying if he did. She worked out every day and went running in the morning to maintain her figure for easiest mobility in the field. "Let's get to it" Deeks grunted as Kevlar did up the Velcro on his gloves.

"3.. 2.. 1" Agent Kevlar counted down before they began sparing.

Two blows to the stomach, one to the left, just below his kidney, and four to the right, below the other the kidney, and one on the abdomen, sending him down.

"ha-ha!" Deeks smiled as he held Kevlar down.

"Enough, enough" Kevlar groaned in pain. Deeks let go of his arm, letting him stand. "Agent Blye..." He coughed as he saw her standing in the doorway.

"Macho" she popped the 'M' sarcastically as she entered, her still wet hair clinging to her neck and cheeks.

"Heya Kens" Deeks greeted her after her short absence; Lazy-Dog Monty even stood up and went over to her.

Kensi bent down and started petting Monty.

"You actually won" Kensi smiled as Monty rolled over.

"You doubted me?" Deeks feigned hurt.

"No, I just expected more of a fight out of you Kevlar, you spend a lot of time in here, I should know we always seem to be here at the same time" She raised her eyebrow and she stood up once more - much to the dismay of the dog that was loving the attention.

"I... Uh let him win" He said using Deeks exact lines from previously.

Kensi just hummed a quick response before turning to Deeks

"Deeks, Is anybody in thy guys locker room?"

"No. Well I don't think so, why?"

"Hair dryer isn't working in the girls, I'm gonna use the guys - if anybody comes through, warn them." She glared.

"Will do Fern" He clicked his tongue after finishing the sentence for emphasis on the fact.

"You better." She walked off.

"Nice chick" Kevlar bit his lip.

"Seriously dude, sort out your choice of wording around me" Deeks groaned as he went over to Monty.

"Eh, thought you would agree." Kevlar walked over to his bag.

"Well I'm not disagreeing, but she's my partner Stan." Deeks swallowed as he rested on a bench, Monty rubbing against his legs.

"I guess, so you've never thought of her in – that way"

Deeks thought for a moment "Well."

"I knew it!" Kevlar laughed

"Hasn't everybody who has a female partner thought that, I mean, It would be weird if they hadn't, unless they were gay"

"Most definitely, I had a female partner when I was in LAPD"

"You were In LAPD?"

"Only for a year, before I quit and director Sheppard – Rest her soul – offered me a position here."

"Nice going" Deeks said standing up.

"I'm gonna go take a shower" Agent Kevlar said.

"Did you not just hear her?" Deeks said, slightly annoyed.

"Of course I did." Kevlar said with a menacing smile that made Deeks shiver inside.

Kevlar walked in the direction of the changing rooms, quickly followed by Deeks.

Deeks began talking as they entered the locker room "Kensi I tried to st-"  
>Deeks froze at what he saw - A small pool of crimson blood, the hairdryer still going strong hanging by its wire just inches above the blood.<p>

There were scuff marks on the white floor and drops of blood leading to a smashed window, more blood on the jagged edges. "Kensi?" Deeks said quietly, getting no response he raised his voice, "KENSI!" He immediately started looking around the locker room as Agent Kevlar was stood frozen at the door.

"Kevlar! Go get Hetty, Sam and Callen!" Deeks said frantically, With no results he sat down and ran his hands through his hair. He saw her bag across the room - her clothes and towel strewn across the floor. _'How could this happen in the space of five minutes.'_he thought to himself as Callen, Sam and Hetty walked - rushed - in.

"Deeks?" Sam said worried "What the hell happened?"

"Kensi... She was drying her hair in here, now she's gone." He managed to say.

"In here Mr Deeks? This is the Mans locker room." Hetty avoided the blood.

"She said the hairdryer in the Women's locker room was broken, and she needed to dry her hair... She was only in here five minutes... nobody came into the Gym, how could this happen?" Deeks ran his hand through his hair.

"What made you come in and 'Check up on her?'" Sam asked.

"Agent Kevlar-"

"The guy who has a crush on Kens'?"

"Yeah, he knew she was in here but was going to come through here anyway, no doubt to hit on her inappropriately, So I followed him in to try and stop him and apologize to Kensi if I failed, and we saw this"

"Whoever took her can't have gotten far, How long did she come in here?"

"About seven minutes ago" Deeks sighed.

"Mr Hanna, Mr Callen, you find a team to process, Mr Deeks, you need to get out of here, We'll find her."

"Oh no, you are not excluding me, do you see that blood, she is badly injured Hetty, I'm working this case"

"You're too close Mr Deeks."

"Too close? I'm her partner, if Callen was the one taken, you would have no problem with Sam working the case, so explain, how am I 'too close'?" He knew the answer, he knew Hetty knew about their untold (Practically untold) feelings for one another, but that wasn't going to cloud his judgement.

Hetty took what Deeks said into mind, she would allow Sam to work the case if it was Callen in harm's way, and although she thought of the conversation she had with Kensi previously to this when Deeks had been 'Fired' she could not give him a direct answer. "Fine Mr Deeks, you can work the case, But I trust you will not be biased or overly... Violent towards any possible suspects"

"I have self control Hetty." Deeks told her

"Everybody In ops, Now." Hetty said as she walked off.

"You stood up to Hetty" Callen said wide-eyed.

"You would do the same"

"True" Sam said as they all walked up, Monty following Deeks closely – Like any dog he could sense the tension in the air.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So here is chapter one of this story :) Please review if you like it, because If I don't get any reviews I probably won't continue it because usually No reviews = No readers. :) **

**I REALLY hope you liked it! :D I'm probably going to make some photoshop edits relating to this fic later and they will be up on my tumblr (LINK ON PROFILE) :) **

**Love ya :D**

**-LJ**


	2. Chapter 2 Helpless Holiday

**THE RESPONSE WAS PHENOMENAL! THANKS GUYS. - Let's try to beat my new record (13) and get 14 reviews for this chapter! May be a long shot but I can try! :P**

**Sorry this was supposed to be uploaded yesterday, but I was dragged out to a boxing day party - Had a bit too much to drink an ate one too many chocolate eclairs, got home, thew up... So that's my lame excuse.**

* * *

><p><strong>December 23rd 11pm<strong>

Kensi groaned in pain as she awoke - she had no idea where she was. She felt two sharp pains to her abdomen; she looked down to her once white shirt, now mostly stained red with her blood. Her arms were shackled to a metal pole behind her. The last thing she remembered was drying her hair, now here she was, chained and cut on the eve of Christmases eve. She couldn't help but relate to Marley from her favorite book as a child - Charles dickens, A Christmas Carol - Although Marley could move in his chains.

She didn't know how long she had been out for, if it was night or day, she knew it still had to be the 23rd or early morning on Christmas eve (By the fact her wounds have yet to scab over). She didn't know why she wasn't bleeding out, the only logical reason could be that someone had sutured her wounds... But why would someone that took her, care about her bleeding out?

She wondered if the team had noticed her absence yet - If they were even looking for her. She curse quietly out loud at herself - Of course they noticed, surely she would have left a hefty amount of blood and some sort of trail. Deeks had to have noticed, he was the last one she spoke to.

She squeezed her eyes back, trying to remember the incident in which she was taken, but it was just a blur - a disorientated memory of red and white, which she could only explain was the blood and the ridiculously shiny locker room floors.

She opened her eyes and breathed out. She wondered (and half-hoped) if they had just forgotten that she was there. As if. She contemplated shouting for help, but there was no window in the cell and the walls looked pretty thick, the only space to see out was a small hole drilled into the bottom of the steel door.

* * *

><p><strong>December 24th - 9am<strong>

Deeks hadn't left the office, in fact nobody had apart from Sam (Who had to leave as it was Christmas eve, and his daughter would be disappointed if e missed it this year) Deeks sat at his Desk, he was on his 5th coffee since the day had started. One less than Nell who hadn't moved from her computer chair using every free computer running different programs and had the big screen running a caldioscope for any suspicious cars in the vicinity if the mission yesterday an the past week

Eric had been coding, hacking into every security camera feed in LA for any trace of Kensi.

Hetty walked through the bullpen to see Monty whining at his master - who was now rolling his head over his desk.

"Mr Deeks, You should go home, get a few hours rest." Hetty said.

"I can't we need to find Kensi - it's Christmas tomorrow, is there even a missing persons out?"

"There is a missing persons out, but only to police departments, we cannot make it public for 56 hours, we risk blowing all of her aliases of we do not wait."

"Aliases? You care more about the job than her welfare?" Deeks practically shouted as he stood up.

"No Mr Deeks, If it were up to me we would have a press's conference already, but people higher are pulling my strings, Now go home Mr Deeks"

"I can't go."

"It wasn't a question, go now" Hetty ordered

Deeks had already pushed the line enough today, he didn't want to see what would happen if he jumped over it, 1 hour away from the office might clear his head of guilt and put it more on a straight road. So he stood up and gathered his things, brushing past Hetty with Monty following him and going out of the door. He inhaled the salty LA air as he made his way to his car, letting Monty jump in the passenger seat. He drove for a long while before he found himself driving in the direction of Kensi's apartment instead of his own. he had no idea what he would find there apart from more guilt, but he needed to be there, he knew he would never be able to get rest like Hetty suggested. He pulled up and opened his door, Monty making the leap of faith over the handbrake to follow him.

He walked up the two flights of stairs to Kensi's apartment. he stood in front of her door and exhaled as her next door neighbor - an elderly woman - stepped out.

"Hello there, Young Kensi isn't at home right now" he neighbor smiled and saw Monty. "He should really be on a leash"

"You know Kensi?"

"Oh yes deary, I have known her since she was 19 and moved in there"

"So you know her line of work?"

"Federal agent, I'm unsure what division for" the old woman smiled.

Deeks looked down to Monty and back up to the woman. "I actually know she's not home... She was taken from her workplace early yesterday afternoon." Deeks saw no harm in telling the old woman. "And he is a bomb detection dog, the leash law is not in affect with police dogs."

"what do you mean, Taken?" The old woman looked in horror.

"Kidnapped..." Deeks paused as Monty whined at the door.

"Oh lord" The old woman panicked.

"Don't panic ma'am" Deeks said. "Do you know where she keeps her spare key?"

"How can I trust you" she said wide-eyed.

"LAPD" he flashed his badge. "I'm her partner, a liaison with NCIS"

"Deeks?" She asked, he nodded. "She spoke about you, told me, if anything happens to her to trust you" The woman cried.

"Kensi said that?" Deeks said, astonished.

"Take this" the old woman removed a brick from the wall where many keys layed, she stuck her hand in and pulled out a slightly dusty silver one, handing it to Deeks.

He took it and smiled politely "Thank you" she had no idea how much her trust meant to him right now.

"Careful of him around Lottie" She motioned towards Monty.

"Lottie?" He questioned, slightly too late as she had already closed her door.

Deeks shrugged it off and unlocked the door, shock was the expression on his face when he saw how neat it was, he walked in slowly with Monty, who ran quickly over to Kensi's sofa where a ginger kitten laid in a ball.

Upon seeing the kitten Deeks shut the door immediately, not wanting it to get a shock and bolt. "Monty over there and lay down" Deeks spoke to the dig, pouting in front of the television.

Monty padded over and laid down, Deeks walked over to the sofa and slowly lifted the kitten, waking it up. He smiled at the Kittens initial shock and then it's quick acceptance in his grip and relaxation. Deeks ran his thumb over the kittens neck, feeling for the tag, once he and found it he twisted the collar round and read it.

Neatly engraved on it was 'Lottie', turning it round he saw one of Kensi's lesser known phone numbers engraved on the back.

'I wonder why she didn't tell me' he thought to himself as he let the kitten go, watching it run off into another room. 'well we're jut partners, she doesn't have to tell me everything'

Deeks laid on her sofa - he would rather be searching for her; he couldn't stand thinking that she might be injured, and what was he doing? He was laying on her sofa, in her house.

He couldn't handle it.  
><strong><br>**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: AS I SAID, sorry it's late, and sorry its short! x I would love reviews please! xxx If we beat my record per chapter (which is now 13, so 14, pleaseeee :D) the next chapter will be extra long, 3,000 words at least!**

**Love ya! X**  
><strong>-LJ<strong>


	3. Chapter 3 The Letter

**A/N: Okay, It's not QUITE 3,000 words (excluding the A/N) But it's the best I can do without taking everything from the next chapter as well :D!  
>The reviews. Oh my god. I DID not expect that many, I wasn't actually (in my head) being serious about getting 14! I never thought it would happen, I was just being overly hopeful! But I actually Got 18! <strong>_**18!**_** For **_**one**_** chapter, Seriously, I was bouncing around my room and it DEFINATELY gave me the muse to get on with this ASAP!**

**Sorry it's a few days late, some parts were especially hard to write and others had to be re-written. You might not get another update until Saturday maybe Sunday (because I go back to school tomorrow and I have exams to study for and I really need to revise otherwise I will fail!) if not then definitely Monday! Yes, I know this is a Christmas fic but I'm hoping it will turn into more than that over the chapters.**

**Okay, this chapter will include the note from 'Santa' that is mentioned in the description, I hope it lives up to your expectations! **

**Sorry for the extra long A/N I just needed to clear a few things up!**

**-LJ x**

* * *

><p><strong>24th of December 2:30pm<strong>

Deeks shot awake. He hadn't expected to fall asleep on Kensi's couch, but it just happened, he was thinking about what would happen of they didn't find her before Christmas and he fell asleep, dropped like a log on her sofa.  
>He cursed himself out loud for even falling asleep whilst she was missing, He felt terrible, she was missing and he had been sleeping, they could have killed her. No! He couldn't think like that. He rubbed his hands over his stubble and through his hair as he stood up, looking quickly to where Monty laid earlier, seeing him curled up with the ginger kitten in a ball next to him, snuggled close.<p>

Deeks smiled at the image and almost forgot about the current predicament, seems Monty found himself someone to cuddle in this bad time, Deeks wished he had Kensi, He wanted to hold her close, never leave her alone again. But he couldn't do that, she was missing, and he blamed himself, he was so close to her. What if she had screamed out but he hadn't heard because he was too busy discussing her _looks_ with a perverted agent.

Deeks pulled out his phone and began to dial Nell's number when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was an envelope, a red one to be precise. He put his phone back into his pocket and made his way over to the front door where the envelope laid. He picked it up and flattened out the creases where it had been stuffed under the door before turning it around to see his name in block capitols on the back.

**DETECTIVE. MARTIN DEEKS. **

Deeks looked at the envelope confused, It definitely wasn't Kensi's scruffy but elegant scrawl, so she couldn't have wrote this before she left for work, even if she had she wouldn't have written _'Detective_' on it, or '_Marty_' for that matter, she would have written a simple 'Deeks' or something of offence towards him as he had written his card to her out to '_Fern_' he turned the envelope back over to the sealed side and began to open it slowly and neatly. As carefully as he would handle evidence.

He pulled out the card slowly and looked at the pattern on the front, it was of a simple Santa's grotto with a robin in the foreground, with a caption saying.

'_A _little_ robin wanted me to say, Merry Christmas_!'

Deeks furrowed his brow and opened it, imediatley hearing soft sobs coming from said card, and brunette hair neatly tied with a ribbon, it was one of those 'Record it yourself' cards. Deeks almost dropped the card as he recognised those soft sobs as Kensi's, making his also assume the hair was hers.

He began to read the dialogue of the card.

_Detective Deeks, did you have a nice sleep?_

_It's a nice white Christmas, don't believe me? Look out your window._

Deeks pulled back the drapes and saw that it was most definitely white, well white-ish, it had snowed slightly but it would melt soon for sure because of the beaming sun. Deeks turned his attention back to the car instead of the 'excitement' he would usually feel for the rare occurrence of snow in LA.

_Exciting isn't it? I wanted to take this space to tell you about one Kensi Marie Blye. A beautiful woman, sexy, careful, bitchy. All the makings of a California guys perfect woman. But hse snot just any woman, she is a federal agent, doing good for her wrongs._

_Yes, her wrongs, You didn't think she had a clean slate did you? Oh, I guess you did. Everyone has their skeletons Detective Deeks. And Sweet Miss Blye's is that she killed a child. A child, my child, Before it had a chance to live, breathe its first breath or see the world. She told me she didn't want the child, that she couldn't be a mother. I remember her exact word; they were as simple as dropping a pin, and then she left, Just like that, I didn't see her again for 10 years I searched Until yesterday of course, and she is going to pay for not bringing the baby into the world. _

Kensi was pregnant? This hit Deeks hard, and she got rid of the baby. 10 years, he had searched for 10 years... Kensi was only 18 when she got pregnant, and she had an abortion. Deeks would do the same thing – that is if he was a woman – she still had her whole life ahead of her, he doesn't blame her, but clearly he did, the man that took her. Deeks continued on with the rest of the card.

_I always liked her hair, the way it felt between my fingers when we made love, the way the beautiful curls bounced whenever she smiled or clapped, It was the radiance of her, I had to cut it. Perfection is not allowed to be granted to a child killer. Do you want to know how it feels to pull a blade through her flesh? To see the blood seep out, the metallic smell and the way it runs through your fingers, It's like heaven if you hate the person. But I couldn't let her die, not today, maybe tomorrow, but not today. Making love with her now is even more precious, when she has no control over what she says or does, hearing her painful pleasures makes my body warm, knowing that she's moaning because of me, bleeding because of me, feel her skin ripping because of my vigorous persistence, seeing her limp body drop every time._

_Its Christmas day tomorrow, and the one thing I asked for was he body, dead or alive. It seems to be indecisive. She was always a fighter; your attempts to save her won't succeed Detective and they never will, you will never find her body either. Not when I'm finished with her._

_Everyone is vulnerable Detective, even you, and especially her. _

_Santa clause is coming to town, and this time he's not leaving until he has gotten what he wants. _

And then it ended. Deeks felt sick as he read the words, He couldn't handle it, he was raping her, hurting her and he cut her hair, her _beautiful hair._ There was one thing this... this sick man was right about. Her hair made her look even more radiant, even more perfect than should be allowed – Legal.

Deeks dropped the card and ran over to the sink where he did in fact throw up, Just thinking about that happening to Kensi, and so *vividly* described, He couldn't handle it. He emptied the whole contents of his stomach into the sink, not taking time to wipe the stinging tears from his eyes.

He wiped his mouth with the palm of his hand, then his hand onto a wash cloth. He glanced back at the card that had now slightly closed on the floor. He wanted to burn it, He wanted to burn the bastard that wrote this crap to him – him of all people!

Deeks walked back over to the car and lifted it, as well as the envelope, resisting opening it as he knew what he would hear, the whimpers of Kensi. He rubbed his beard again and walked back over to the kitchen area, opening a drawer and taking a plastic bag out to contain the new evidence.

"Monty" He tried, and failed to wake the dog. He still felt sick and didn't have the energy to do anything but drive. So he left Monty there in Kensi's apartment closely huddled to the kitten.

Deeks left the apartment, locking it behind him and walking down to his car. It had been at least 5 hours since he left and knew it was about time to go back to the OSP. In fact he should have gone back earlier.

He kept his eyes on the road but couldn't resist constantly looking at his dash where the letter laid.

He pulled into his usual parking space and exhaled before laying his head on the wheel. "Get it together." He squinted as he grabbed the bag and got out.

Deeks walked into the Mission and ran straight upstairs where he knew everybody would be.

"Mr Deeks you're back" Hetty smiled.

"Its not good" He said seriously as he handed her the bag.

"Whats this?"

"I stopped by Kensi's place.. I don't know why but I did, this was there."

Hetty opened the bag and saw the envelope. She took it out and inspected it. "What is it?"

"A letter from our guy... Be careful when opening it." He warned.

Hetty nodded and everyone gathered round the light table. She placed the card in the middle and opened it, the sounds of Kensi sobbing filled the silent room.

"Oh my god" Nell whispered.

"What does it say Hetty?" Callen asked, crossing his arms.

"It's addressed to Mr Deeks." Hetty pointed out first.

Hetty read the card out, hesitation in her voice over certain matters, slowing down and her voice cracking near the end. Nell had tears streaming down her cheeks by the time Hetty was finished, She took comfort in eric, turning into him and crying when everyone else dealt with the words.

Deeks felt sick again. He turned away from the table and breathed, Sam was completely tense, In shock. And Callen, Well Callen was being himself, trying not to be effected, but his eyes were red as if he was to cry.

"Mr Beale, send this to the lab and get fingerprints – apart from mine or Mr Deeks, Try and get DNA from the envelope."

Eric nodded and had to let Nell go, helping her sit down, she had now gone from crying to the denial state, where she wasn't quite in touch with reality but wasn't completely out of it.

Eric ran out of the room with the card and envelope.

"Nell" Deeks walked over to her.

"Uhhuh?" She stared at her screen, not looking around to him.

"It sounds like a long shot, but is there any chance you can track Kensi's abortion records from 10 years ago, it might help us find out where she lived... and we can maybe find out if anybody remembers who she was with.

"It's not a long shot." Nell said as she began typing, hacking into Kensi's files and scrolling through to 10 years back.

Callen and Sam stood in the corner, waiting for Deeks' word about where she lived.

Nell continued typing and finally got to the year, stopping movement as soon as she read the files.

"What is it?"

"There are no abortion records, Deeks." She whispered.

"That can't be.. Maybe she lost it, false alarm, check for miscarriage hospital forms" Deeks leant next to Nell as she did so.

"There aren't any, But" She clicked twice "there are OB/GYN records and prescriptions, lots of bills." Nell stopped. "She had the baby"

"What... I mean she clearly doesn't have a child." Deeks looked shocked.

"Adoption forms" Nell paused. "I found open-adoption forms"

"What are they?"

"They mean she knows where her kid is" Callen said. "A closed adoption is where you get no rights what so ever when you sign forms... an open one"

"Is where you hear information, if your kid has been hurt, where she or he is, you can even get pictures if you want" Sam finished.

"If its open, the guy that wrote this could know where she is" Callen stated

"He seems content that he doesn't know about it." Sam looked at his partner.

"That kid could be in danger." Deeks said. "Where is it"

Nell typed and a document came up. "_She_, not _it_, more specifically Amy Dawes is in an all girls home and has been since she was 5"

"We should go." Sam said.

"No, I want to go" Deeks insisted.

"Nell. Does her birth certificate have a father's name?" Deeks asked as he fidgeted.

"One moment" She began typing and clicking once again. "Taylor Dubree" She pulled up his driver's licence. "Same age as Kensi, he lives at... Nowhere... He doesn't have a listed address"

"You guys stay here, Nell, try to find him, whats the girls home?"

"Since when were you boss?" Callen asked.

"I never said I was" Deeks sighed, "Name, Nell?"

"Sonnies girls foster home its location is-"

"Save it I know where it is" He ran out of the building and got into his car and it finally hit him.

_She had the child. She gave it up._

**And she didn't tell the father.**

Deeks stopped thinking about it and focused on his main objective, get the girl to safety. He switched on his personal siren and raced through traffic, he got there in record time.

He switched off his sirens and stared at the stale grey building. There were girls sitting on the front lawn, running around and smiling. Although Deeks was male he knew this was one of the best places, the safest places for a child who hadn't been adopted.

He got out of the car and walked through the big gates, past the staring children to the front door, where he barely knocked on it before it opened.

"Hello, I heard the sirens, what's happened?" A large woman holding a baby said.

"I'm Detective Deeks, LAPD, I'm here looking for Amy Dawes, Well I know they are all named Dawes here, She's Nine years old"

"I'm sorry, we have 4 Amy's that are nine, can I ask why you're here?"

"Her mother is in danger, and the people may be coming after Amy"

"Oh, why didn't you say it was an open adoption, It is open right, that's how you're here" The woman smiled. "We have two Amy's here open-adoption that are nine years old."

"Thanks... Uhh, sorry you didn't give me your name" Deeks bit his lip.

"Oh, I'm Mrs Pendleton" She smiled and welcomed Deeks in. "Amy and Amy are in the sitting room."

Deeks nodded and followed her through the house, watching her give the baby to another woman as she passed.

"Amy and Amy" She spoke loudly so her voice would boom over the television.

The two girls turned around, and Deeks saw her, well that had to be her, she looked just like Kensi, She had long brown curls and bangs (more full than Kensi's recent cut) and eyes you could get lost in, He knew the girl beside her was definitely not the daughter of Kensi Blye, She had pale ginger hair, freckles and bright blue eyes.

"Tell them the mothers name" Mrs Pendleton smiled, interrupting his train of thought.

"I'm looking for the daughter of Kensi Blye"

"Thats me" The girl that Deeks had suspected said.

Deeks knelt to her level. "Hi, I'm Detective Deeks, I'm a cop, I work with your mommy, we need to take you somewhere safe.

"I don't wanna go" The nine year old protested.

"I'm sorry sweetie, But bad men took Kensi – your mom – and may be looking for you"

Amy went wide eyed. "But I haven't even met her, why would they be looking for me?"

"'Cause the man that took her... well I can't tell you, But you need to come with me."

The girl nodded and took his hand.

* * *

><p><strong>24<strong>**th**** of December 4:40pm**

_Kensi sat in her lonely cell, The skin of her wrists ripping from the constant raw exposure to the cuffs. Her tear-stained cheeks now covered in tiny cuts that were more excruciating than would be expected, the salt from each tear she shed burning them. She felt dirty, used. Something she had never felt before._

_She shook in horror as she heard the same footsteps walking towards the door. He's just had his 'way' with her, what else could he want, had he not had enough after cutting her thighs, injuring her terribly on the inside, making her bleed._

_She curled into a ball, ignoring the pain of her broken ribs as the doors opened._

"_Your little LAPD friend got the letter I sent him, then headed to a foster home, and exited with a child. Do you want to explain or me?" the man shouted._

"_Amy" Kensi whispered._

"_What was that?" He got closer, and then it pinged to her who he was._

"_T-Taylor..." She whispered._

"_Finally recognised my eyes" He spat on her._

"_Taylor..." She said again._

"_You told me you were getting an abortion!" He raged. "You said you killed our baby, then my source tells me Detective Deeks leaves a foster home with a child that looks just like you, an hour after her receives my letter!"_

"_Taylor, I said I couldn't be a mother!" She said with her broken voice._

"_You told me you were getting rid of it"_

"_I never said that" she croaked._

"_It doesn't matter, you'll be dead tomorrow, and my baby will be mine"_

"_No!" She screamed after him._

_She gave up Amy because she couldn't be a mother, she would have been terrible and especially with the career she wanted. She wouldn't be able to hold down a job and a baby, but she still wanted to know what went on in her life._

_Now Deeks knows, that means everyone knows. She wishes she was dead now, but she now has the motivation to stay alive longer. To make sure that bastard never found Amy. Although Kensi's body was on the brink of giving up, Kensi sure as hell wasn't going to let it._

_A man came into the room with a metal tray and syringe. _

"_This will make you forget" He whispered._

"_No, no, no, no" She pleaded_

_Too late, he stuck the needle into her arm and in minutes she fell asleep._

_Dead to the world, but not to herself, god damn she'd keep fighting._

_Not for her, for Amy._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So yea, the 'Amy' plot line has been planned, and it may have slightly ruined it in some people's eyes, but I'll tell you this, don't judge it on this simple arc. Because who knows what will happen. Nobody but me!**

**So, It would be amazing if you could all review again! Whether you liked it or not! Criticism is good in my books! Let's see if we can get just as many reviews as last chapter! :D**

**I also have a spoiler for the next chapter to motivate you.**

"_I can't do this, I can't don't make me"_

"_I'm not making you do anything."_

**Ooh, I wonder who is saying that! :P**

**So as always, Review and I love you :D x**

**-LJ XXX**


	4. Chapter 4 We've found her

**A/N: SO, my exam went well! And that's why I didn't update sooner, I was busy cramming for the exam xD.**

**I'm going to stop saying that I'm going to update on certain days, because I can't put up your hope like that :) I'm not promising but I'm HOPING that I'll be able to update more now my exams are over (for now!) It might excite you to know I'm working on another Densi fic as well that is currently 10 pages, but I wanna get the gist of it before I start uploading it. It starts kinda fluffy but I'm hoping angsty bunny will jump in sometime soon xD**

**Anyway, I'mma shut my face right now and let you get reading!**

_**Disclaimer: I DON'T EVEN OWN THE DVDs BECAUSE EVERY TIME I GO TO BUY THEM THEY PHOOF OUT OF EXSISTANCE.**_

* * *

><p><strong>24<strong>**th**** December – 5:56pm.**

Amy sat happily spinning on Kensi's chair in the bullpen. Deeks watched her for a few moments in envy, wishing he could feel like her right now, care-free with no worry; yes she had _just_ been told her mother was kidnapped and the man that took her mother is almost certain to go after her – more so now he had taken her from the home.

Deeks was staring longer than he should be – but she looked so much like her mother, from her long hair to the shape of her face. She was like the younger – more girly mirror image of _his _Kensi.

Deeks was pulled out of his trance state by a shrill whistle.

"We've found Dubree." Eric said, no excitement in his tone at all.

Sam and Callen rushed up, whereas Deeks rushed over to the girl. "Stay here Amy" He told her.

She shrugged and stared at the stairs, before looking back to him. "Who's Dubree? I've heard that name before"

Deeks sighed and rubbed his beard. "Listen, Amy. Dubree is your father, and he is also the man that has your mom, the man that's after you."

Amy stared into his eyes. "My father did this? Why?"

"Because, your mother wasn't entirely truthful about what she had done with you when she was pregnant, He seems to have thought your mom aborted you." He placed his hand on her knee.

"But... If he thinks that, why am I here? He thinks I wasn't born." She said, quite teary.

"Because we can't take the chance that he knows otherwise." Deeks placed a reassuring hand on her knee.

Amy wiped a tear that had now fallen. "Why would my mom do that? Tell him she aborted me, did I really mean that little to her?"

Deeks embraced the girl. "Never think that. Not at your age, not ever. I may not have known about you, but I didn't even know your mom bought a damn cat, I'm positive she had you because she loves you; and that's why she wanted to keep you her little secret, because of her line of work, SO don't for one moment think that your mom gave you up because she didn't want you, if anything, she gave you up to protect you, because she loved you too much to terminate you – to not even give you a chance"

Amy cried into his shoulder as Eric shouted down. "Deeks, you need to see this, I think we've got her."

Deeks ignored Eric and looked at the girl. "I'm going to find your mom, you stay put, and if you're anything like her, there are Twinkies in the fridge over there".

Amy smiled and wiped her tears before kissing his cheek.

"Deeks." Eric repeated.

"I'm coming" Deeks said, not looking away. "Just keep what I've said in mind."

Deeks stood up and walked to the stairs, taking one last look back at the girl who was now fiddling with a silver bracelet on her wrist. He smiled and continued upwards.

"Okay, so we have found an old residence of Dubree, and lately the heat sensitive satellite views have been spiking, which is obviously unusual for a abandoned house." Eric began.

"So, that could just be a squatter."

"It could, but one person keeps leaving and coming back" Nell played the footage. "But, as you see here, this person here, has not moved from this small space, for the past two days."

"Earlier today, there was another person moving in and out of the room" Eric paused and looked away.

"It seems assailant number one... Is getting up close and personal with the captive" Nell also looked away.

"He's raping her." Callen stated.

"What's going on" A voice from the doors asked, slightly teary.

"Amy..." Deeks said as Nell quickly turned the footage off. "I told you to stay put"

"What is he doing to her?" the 10 year old demanded to know.

"No nice things" Hetty said, walking in. "Ms Dawes, you shouldn't be up here."

"I'm almost 10 years old! I'm not a baby!" Amy shouted. "Stop treating me like one and using the words like 'Bad things' be straight with me!" Amy cried.

Deeks was taken a-back, he had never seen a nine year old act like this – ever; and he knew quite a few 9 year olds from the shelter.

"You really want to know?" Callen said, being slightly forceful, approaching the girl. "You're right, we are treating you like a baby, but we're just afraid that you won't be able to handle it. You may be nine, but you are nowhere near as touch as you think you are Amy. Now look me in the eyes and tell me you want to know."

Amy trembled slightly. "I don't want to know."

"As I thought" Callen kneeled to her level. "I'm, sorry for being harsh, but you needed it, am I wrong?"

Amy shook her head. "You were right... I'm sorry."

"Go back downstairs Amy."

Amy nodded and walked out of the room.

"Thanks, Callen." Deeks said.

Callen looked at him. "For what?"

"I would have assumed she was like her mom... I would have told her."

"No problem" Callen said. "I don't blame you."

Deeks cleared his throat and Eric went back to talking.

"So, basically, until approximately two hours ago, the figure remained stale in that room, but at about 4pm the second assailant went in, lingered for a while and then carried her out, that's where we lost them."

"Then find them" Sam said. "And soon."

"Already on it" Nell quipped.

* * *

><p><em>Almost 11 hours later<em>, Eric had finally whistled down, it was 3am. He successfully woke everyone, including Amy. "Did you find her?" She was the first one to speak.

"Maybe" Eric said. "They're back at the house"

"Address?" Sam said, rubbing his eyes.

"On your tablets now" He said before walking off.

"Amy." Deeks said.

"Yes?"

Deeks put his hands on her shoulders. "_Promise _me you will stay here!"

"I promise" She bit her lip.

"I have to go now." He told her before kissing the top of her head again.

"Will I ever see you again? After you find my mom?"

Deeks gave her an honest answer. "I really don't know"

"If you don't get there in time-"

"Amy" He stopped her.

"No. Listen, I want to be at her funeral if you don't get there in time" She whispered in a tone only a sad child will use. "_Promise me_" She used Deeks' line.

"I promise" He said. "But I hope I don't have to follow through"

"Me too" She whispered as he left with Sam and Callen.

It took them about 45 minutes to reach the address and had no idea what to expect, so they pulled up quietly.

"How do we know it's definitely her in there?" Deeks asked.

"We don't" Sam responded as they all got out.

"We have a warrant to do what we want; we have probably cause to shoot if we sense an agent in distress." Callen said. "As far as we know there are only two people in there, so if the one we see isn't Dubree – we don't shoot until we are shot at"

"You're right" Deeks said, readying his gun as they slowly approached the house.

They approached the house, Callen motioned Sam around the left of the house as Callen took the right – Deeks took the front. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as he twisted the door knob, yelling out 'LAPD' with no response or even a stir from a forbidden creature.

He began going into every room, every nook and cranny, checking for the assailant, after clearing every room he met up with Sam and Callen.

"She's not here, we missed her" Deeks said, dropping his arm to the side. "God damn it!" Deeks felt like punching the wall but he knew the soft plaster would just send his fist right through it.

"Calm down Deeks – we will find her." Sam said as Callen got Eric on the phone. "She's not here"

"_What do you mean she's not there? You're standing right next to her according to the satellite"_

Callen stupidly looked around. "We're not."

"_Her heat signature is much lower than yours" Eric said._

Callen heard rapid typing. "Eric?"

"_She's below you"_

"Below me? What?"

"Huh?" Deeks said.

"_She's there, there's a basement Callen, on the blueprints"_

"A Basement?" Callen repeated ; with those words Deeks was off "Deeks!" Callen said, hanging up on Eric, following Deeks.

* * *

><p><em>The world was in slow motion again, everything around him was a blur. There was a basement. She was still here, and so was he, Taylor Dubree, the one that took her. Deeks ran out of the house and around the back, If there were doors anywhere, they would be around the back, going under the house. Deeks saw some bricks at the end of the garden. He felt distorted as he ran towards them – It was wood. The doors were wood – and wide open.<em>

_He was definitely down there._

_Deeks climbed down the ladder and saw a long cement hallway – no doubt leading right back under the house._

_He crept slowly, trying to maintain composure as he held his gun to his thigh. He got to the end of the bend, and heard the soft whimpers of a girl – not just any girl, Kensi, __**HIS **__Kensi._

_He stuck his head around the corner fast and saw bright red; a Santa suit, holding the hair of Her – Kensi – Holding what looked like a broken piece of mirror in his hands._

_Deeks took the opportunity, His blood ran black, he knew how this would end. _

_It all went so slow – slower than he was formerly experiencing. He jumped out, sweat dripping down his head, his eyes focused on the target._

_It felt like what is usually seconds, taking an hour for his finger to reach the trigger._

_But when it had; he squeezed it once._

_The bullet cut through the air, faster than the eye could see, ripping through the tread of the Santa suit, sending him down._

_But it didn't go to well, Dubree had the glass forced to Kensi's neck as he fell, it cut a nice neat (Not to deep but not shallow) line straight across her neck._

"**KENSI"** Deeks shouted.

_**Lights out.**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: LOL CLIFFHANGER.**

**Yano... You're going to have to review to get more.**  
><strong>I know I gave you that spoiler last chapter – But I decided I wanted a cliffhanger – so that bit didn't fit in this chapter xD<strong>

**So... Review to find out what happened.**

**Love you :D**

**-LJ x**


	5. Chapter 5 Blue Speck

**A/N: Okay, Me not updating was not due to reviews or me being lazy (I mean, reviews were PHENOMINAL, I couldn't ask for anything better :D) It was my FF account, It hasn't let me update or upload for some reason :/ **

**But I really hope you like this chapter, it was a menace to write (And I will admit I bought The X-Files complete collectors edition (All seasons and movies) on DVD so I have kinda been slacking SLIGHTLY.) I apologize if it doesn't live up to my highest standards ... Buuut ... **

**Last night's episode was really good :) Can't wait for Blye, K. ! **

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned NCIS:LA, If I did, Kensi and Deeks would have fucked multiple times In ops, on Hetty's desk, on everyone else's desks, in the gym, on a boat, in the boat house ... Everywhere ... **

* * *

><p><em>The glass ripped through her skin, causing her to bleed almost instantly; she was on the floor, arms still stretched up, cuffed to the pole. Blood ran thick out of the wound on her neck.<em> _The world just stopped for a second. He was dead – she could give in, give up._

Deeks fell to the ground next to Kensi, dropping his gun and pushing down hard on her neck to stop the bleeding. "Stay with me Kens" Deeks said as Callen and Sam ran in – guns drawn.

"Deeks – What happened?" Callen said, moving to his side.

"Call the EMTs in" Deeks said, putting pressure on Kensi's neck.

"Deeks what happened!" Sam repeated Callens question

"Wait for my report – help me!" Deeks said, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Ambulance is on its way" Callen said, hanging up as gasps of pain came from 'Santa'. Callen stood up and walked over to him as Sam cut Kensi free of the handcuffs, laying her body out straight as blood poured from her neck and gathered slightly in her mouth.

"_Amy"_ She said weakly.

"Amy is safe Kens' please hold on, the ambulance is almost here." Deeks said as he saw her blink, a tear in her eyes.

Callen stood over the man as he died. "We found her – you lose"

"Where is my baby" The man coughed.

"Nowhere near you" Callen said as Taylors eyes dropped closed – He was gone.

Kensi tried to speak but she couldn't, instead she started chocking. Deeks freaked out as Sam gripped her neck and twisted her head to the side, allowing the blood she was chocking on to drip out.

By the time the EMTs arrived Deeks' once white shirt was now stained a bloody red, as here his hands and his face (where he had rubbed his beard) The sweat on his face still rolling down his cheek. "I'm going with her." Deeks said to Sam and Callen as he followed the stretcher out of the basement.

"Multiple abrasions all over her body, broken bones" One paramedic reported in the ambulance. Deeks sat out of the way as they cleared Kensi's breathing tube as much as they could.

"Signs of sexual trauma?" the second paramedic asked.

Deeks turned his head away and squeezed his eyes shut as they inspected her. But he couldn't close his ears.

"Definitely sexually assaulted" The first paramedic said. "Multiple contusions around her vaginal area; and on her thighs progressing down her legs; few cuts on the breasts."

Deeks felt sick again, he was holding in the fact that he actually wanted to puke and shoot the paramedics so that they would shut up; he didn't need to hear this.

"A..-A" Mumbles came from Kensi.

"Don't try to speak Ms Blye" The paramedic ordered as she dressed her wounds. Deeks turned around fast, not caring if she was covered up; he took her hand, staring at her face.

"Amy is fine, you hear me? She's with Hetty now; we found her first, He's dead Kens'"

Kensi's eyes closed and a tear fell down the side of her face, she weakly squeezed his hand in some sort of calming, appreciative gesture.

"Sir we need you to move out of our way" The female paramedic said.

He just stared at Kensi for a few moments, eyes locking with eyes before he pulled away.

"Sorry" he moved to the end of the ambulance, running his hands through his hair and around the back of his neck as they worked to cover up all of Kensi's cuts and bruises with multiple bandages and gauze, she look mummified by the time they reached the hospital.

Deeks stayed out of the way as they got her out of the ambulance, but as soon as the gurney hit the asphalt he took grip of her hand and placed the other on the gurney, helping them push her into the hospital and manoeuvre her through the corridors, passing multiple doctors and patients.

Deeks was completely out of it, everything was blurring, voices muffled as his attention focused on the beaten, weak woman on the gurney beside him.

When they finally reached the ICU he was gently pushed away "She needs to go into surgery, sir." A man in green scrubs told him.

"Uh huh.." Deeks took one last look at her.

"You can wait here, I'll have a nurse brief you at intervals about her condition."

"Thanks..." Deeks was still slightly out of it, barely registering the doctors words – all he knew is that Kensi was going into the room where there is only a 50/50 chance she will return safe. He gently lowered himself into an uncomfortable hospital issue waiting room seat, knowing that he wouldn't move from this spot for what could, and rightfully should be hours.

Deeks resorted to staring at a blue speck on the wall in front of him after an hour without any news, he was contemplating all of the different scenario's of how the speck got there, what substance it was, what purpose it had the time it was projected up there.

He was really enticed with this speck, was he going crazy to want to investigate the cause and effect? He was just trying to occupy his mind.

Everyone else had been and gone, Hetty had tried to get Deeks to return to work to write out his report, but all her words were disorientated, he barely registered them and just denied, he wasn't going to move; not until he had some closure about how his friend - the woman he was scared to love – was fairing on the operating table.

Love was a strong word that he couldn't yet begin to comprehend; he had never said it in any circumstance under serious matters, and if he had it wasn't the complete truth, because the way he felt around her was beyond anything he had ever felt before in his life, the unhealthy rush of hormones that always hit his body whenever she made any physical contact or made a sexual innuendo about the two.

And he was pretty damn sure she felt the same way, because if she didn't she would never deny it. Every time they are undercover that may even require a sense of the word 'Relationship' she tried to back out of, change the scenario to siblings or roommates, never wanting to take up the role completely in fear of what may be said that could never be taken back.

Here he was in a hospital room, put under the false illusion that he would get regular updates on his friend, many doctors and nurses have passed him, some nurses coming over to offer him water or a snack, he was rejecting anything that could give him the slight pleasures whilst Kensi was fighting for her life in the room up the hall.

After another hour he finally broke down. His head dropped forwards into his hands which were strategically placed on his knees – as if he had been preparing for this moment, the silent sobs seemed to have come, welcomed by open arms. All that was running through his head was that his friend, his partner was laying on a cold operating table, having god knows what being jabbed into her, having only god knows who calling the shots on her survival, he was a mess, she was a mess, and he didn't know who would recover faster, him receiving that letting, her demise being pointed out to him, although everybody else has read it and heard the recording, Taylor Dubree had deliberately sent it to him, to trigger a reaction.

Maybe Taylor had it from the start that Deeks would be trigger happy around him, maybe he knew that his demise would surely lead to the death of Agent Kensi Blye.

Deeks couldn't help but blame himself, if he hadn't pulled that trigger, maybe he could have talked Dubree down, made him let go of Kensi and then pull the trigger, but instead he went his own way and pulled the trigger whilst a blade was pushed to Kensi's neck – It was a rookie mistake, Deeks should have realised that sending Dubree down would pull the blade right across her neck.

It was a rookie mistake.

Deeks hadn't even noticed the presence of a surgeon in front of him until he cleared his throat.

"Detective Deeks?"

"Yes" Deeks looked up at the man who was sporting quite a hefty amount of blood on his hospital scrubs.

"We did everything we could..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Because I love you so much, Here's another annoying cliffhanger I know you all love so much.**

**Its sorta short, but this was originally 3000 words, but as Fanfiction wasn't letting me update I decided to cut it into two parts, hoping maybe if the file was smaller it would let me update – It of course didn't ... but I like it like this, so I dunno what changed, but its letting me update now apparently.**

**So as always, Pretty please with a cherry on top review :D **

**Lots of Loveeeee xzxxxxxds=tertdfsdsfbluhcgdrsfhhj\asdfghjgfdshn**

**-LJ x**


	6. Chapter 6 Folders

"What do you mean: 'you did everything you could'?" Deeks shot up from the chair he had inhabited for almost 4 hours.

"Ms Blye was in bad shape, we lost her a few times, we had to induced a coma and attach her to life support, she lost a lot of blood when she was held captive and has internal bleeding from beatings, luckily we have managed to control it so far, do you know her next-of-kin? It might be worth contacting them, also we need to see her will, to check her life support terms"

"Her mom... She lives not that far from here. And I think she has a godfather or somebody as close as that somewhere in Hawaii" Deeks rubbed his beard and sighed in relief - she was alive, she was still deep in the woods, but she was alive. "I don't know who her lawyer is or if she even has a will, but Henrietta Lange might"

"We will work to contact them" the doctor said and shifted on his feet.

"Can I go see her?" Deeks pleaded.

"Right down the hall in room 479 warning: She's in really bad shape." The doctor pointed through big steel doors and gave an apologetic smile. "Oh, and a nurse has already rang Ms Lange to inform her about Ms Blyes condition."

Deeks paused and something hit him. "Merry Christmas, and thank you for spending your Christmas... Saving her life."

The doctor smiled and turned and started walking away. "Merry Christmas"

It was Christmas and he was so taken up with thoughts of what could be happening that he completely forgot. Deeks pulled out his mobile and called Callen before descending to Kensi's room.

_"Callen"_

"Hey... it's Deeks, she's O.K" Deeks tried to hide the fear in his voice. "Though she's in shit state"

_"Thank god" He heard Callen sigh. "Sam went home, it is Christmas after-all"_

"I understand, did you take Amy back to her home?"

_"Yes, she should be celebrating Christmas with her friend's right around now"_

Deeks smiled at the thought of a mini-Kensi opening her presents. "I have to go now"

_"Eric and Nell also left, they said to call them when we got news, but I think I'm going to let them sleep a bit longer, especially Nell, she hasn't got any since Kensi was taken." Callen paused. "And Deeks, 'shit state' is better than no state"_

Deeks hesitated before firing a fast and uneasy response "Okay, bye" Deeks hung up his mobile and slipped it into his back pocket, he stared at the doors one last time and moved towards them.

He walked through the double steel doors and down the seemingly endless corridors, past multiple rooms, nurses and rouge patients being herded back to their rooms. He was walking at a slow space, he wanted to be in that room more than anything, but he can't help but feel that the slower he walks, the more time she will have to heal.

But it wasn't long enough; in no time he was standing in front of the windowless door that lead into room 479, the room that contained his partner - fighting for her life.

He held his breath and pushed the handle down.

* * *

><p>Nell rushed through the doors of the OSP. 'Why didn't he call me as soon as he knew!' she muttered to herself, completely ignoring Callens welcome and heading straight to the stairs and stomping up them towards ops.<p>

"You already knew?" She addressed Eric as she dropped her bag.

"What? No! I only just got here!" Eric put his arms up in defense.

Nell huffed and sat down beside him in front her computer; she finally let out a sigh. "She's okay"

"Yeah" Eric replied without looking up.

"Where's Sam?" Nell typed.

"Its 6am, he is still with his family."

"Deeks?"

"I doubt he has moved from Kensi's bedside." Eric looked at her.

"We need to go through Dubree's computer.

They spent 5 minutes combing through Dubree's computer before Eric announced to the practically empty room: "I've got something!"

Nell rolled over to Eric fast as he pulled up the files on the bigger screen.

"What is it?" Nell questioned.

"It was a file marked 'Kensi' it's encrypted, give me two seconds" he said with a mighty button pressing gesture and the file opened.

"There's branching files" Nell stood up and walked over to the screen and read them out "Kensi pics, Detective Deeks pics, K/D pics, Amy pics" she stopped, stunned. "...Amy pics!"

"Yeah?" Eric opened the file to see at least 200 maybe more photos of the girl taken at a safe distance.

"Callen said Dubree thought the child was dead, Eric she could be in danger!" Nell stressed.

"Dubree is dead, Nell"

"You saw those heat signatures in the house, he wasn't working alone."

"Nell, before we jump to conclusions I think we should look in the other files"

"Eric, a little girl is in danger, and not just any little girl, Kensi's little girl."

"Callen stationed an agent outside the home, if he see's any suspicious activity he will call us."

Nell looked at him. "one look at the other files and then we tell Callen."

"Fine"

Eric closed the Amy file and opened the 'K/D pics' one. Most of the images were of them in a car, walking down the street, eating in a bar, visiting each other's houses and a few shots from the beach; none of them suggested anything was happening between the pair.

Eric proceeded to open the 'Detective Deeks pics' file next, and they were all of him on the job, his local coffee spots, his running routes mapped out, him walking Monty and a few of him surfing and chatting up girls, the only really worrying thing was all of his routes fully mapped out.

Nell opened the Kensi file next, there was over 1000 images in here and just as many documents, they scrolled through the pictures, none were alarming until the very end - pictures of her torture.

"There's an AVI file" Eric said the obvious.

Nell took a sharp breath before clicking the file and stepping back, the next thing they saw sent Nell flying to the trash can to throw up, Eric closed the video an rushed beside her, patting her back.

The video was of Kensi's rape.

* * *

><p><em><strong>An hour earlier – The hospital.<strong>_

He stood there, handle down, staring at the door. Releasing his breath he pushed it open, greeted by the sickly smell of pear drops, and his partner... Covered head to toe in bandages.

Now, pear drops does seem like an odd thing to smell, but it was all so familiar to Deeks, whenever his sister was Ill, he could smell pear drops, whenever he or his mother was beaten, he could smell pear drops. And when his sister died, he could smell pear drops.

He always associated the smell with the sick, dying or injured people, and he didn't even know why.

It took him a few minutes to actually enter the room, but once he crossed that threshold, he ran to his partner's side.

He examined her with his eyes, her once long hair was now badly cut short, shaven in the back where they had to check for major brain injuries, her whole torso was thick with bandages, her legs covered in patches of gauze, she almost looked like a patchwork blanket the way the blood had seeped through the gauze and created intricate drying patterns - he was grossly fascinated and frightened.

He sat down straight away, taking up her hand and holding it, avoiding the multiple wires and tubes that were weaved in and around her body.

He couldn't bear to fully look at her face - well, due to the contusions on her face, seeing it made it just look like a galore of stitches that would level horrible tribal-like scars. But it was her neck that bothered him the most; it was also thick with bandages and tape.

He could have talked Dubree down, but he did the right thing, if he had tried to talk Dubree down, and failed, that gash would have severed her carotid artery causing her more pain and initial significant blood loss, leading to almost immediate death.

Deeks continued to look at her, it was taking all of his will power to not think about the bad that happened to her, and he tried to think about the good, her smile, he creepy laugh, everything that made her, her - Most importantly, her eyes, the last time he saw them they were full of fear.

* * *

><p>Eric held Nell's shoulders as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the trashcan.<p>

He felt green also but contained it, as there was only one can and that was occupied.

He held one of her shoulders with his right hand and ran his other hand down her back, slowly, it was almost intimate in gesture _– almost_- if you ignored the situation.

Eric was so caught in thought that he hadn't noticed Nell had stopped vomiting until she turned around and crashed into his chest, her head now buried in his chest and her arms tucked up to him.

Eric froze for a few seconds before returning her embrace and allowing her to silently sob, wrapped in his strong arms.

Callen entered the ops centre during the embrace and gave Eric a questioning look as he observed the silent sobs wrack through Nell's body. Eric didn't say a word but shot his eyes towards the screen, where he had yet to close the folder full of pictures of Kensi's torture.

Callen looked up and looked away fast, not even he needed or had the gut to see that. Callen nodded at Eric before leaving the room.

Eric continued to rub Nell's back.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Nell pulled into the hospital. She had finished sifting through Dubrees personal stuff with Eric and finally decided it was time to drop by. Nell had bought Deeks' go-bag with her, knowing he didn't come prepared, she doubted he would need what was in there.<p>

She grabbed the bag (that was sat on her passenger seat) and got out of her Mini, the bag was half the size of her and probably made her look even more tiny than she actually was.

She held the bag on her shoulder, walking fast into the hospital. She walked straight past the desk and into an elevator-she had already heard from Callen what room Kensi was in. She didn't stop once until she reached the room.

Nell hesitated much like Deeks did once she was face to face with the door, afraid of what might face her on the other side, he mind kept flashing back to the segment of the video she watched, making her feel woozy again.

Opening the door she immediately locked eyes with Deeks who had looked up to see who had entered. Nell almost turned away at the sight of Kensi.

"I.. Uh" she tried to avoid his gaze, turning it to Kensi and walking closer. "Oh my god."

"She's in a coma, Nell" Deeks said weakly.

"I know" she placed his bag down and stood beside him. "We all know."

"They don't know if she has a will, they're looking for a reason to take her off of life support." He stared blankly into the open space Nell had moved from.

"We're not going to let that happen." Nell placed a hand on Deeks' shoulder hesitantly. "Have you had anything to eat?"

"You think I'd be able to hold it down?" he looked up at her. "I was told you couldn't earlier, Callen texted me with what you found."

"Deeks... I"

"Is Amy okay?" He still kept eye contact.

"We don't know, Callen went to pick her up to take her to safety in case Dubree isn't alone."

"That's good" Deeks looked back ad Kensi, holding her had close to his face.

"Your bag... I bought your bag so you could change." Nell motioned at the scrubs he was wearing due to the bloodstains on his clothes.

He smiled appreciatively at her and gently laid Kensi's hand down before stroking the little exposed price of her cheek with his index finger, making the moment last "Stay with her?"

"Of course" Nell took a seat and watched him walk towards Kensi's private wash room.. "Deeks?"

"Yeah?"

"Take a shower... You have blood all over your face and in your hair."

Deeks looked anxiously at Kensi then at Nell.

"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm armed, nothing is going to happen to her, and if it does I will knock"

Deeks nodded and headed into the bathroom.

Nell sat for a few minutes before she heard the pounding of water against tiles, then exhaled loudly and wiped a stray tear, grabbing her friends' hand.

* * *

><p>Deeks stripped off the paper-like hospital scrubs and stepped under the pressure of the hot water emanating from the hospital-issue shower. He was glad he was allowed access to it, and equally glad Nell had convince him; he's pretty sure nobody else would have-not even Hetty.<p>

At the moment he felt Nell was the only one to relate to. She was the only one to have stayed up the whole duration of Kensi's absence, he fell asleep on Kensi's couch and everybody else found time to rest, except Nell.

The only time she had slept is when Hetty sent her and everybody else home from the hospital as soon as Kensi was wheeled in, and that was only for 6 hours maybe 8 at maximum.

Deeks knew Nell didn't have many friends, and neither did Kensi, and for a long time she was the only female in their unit, so when Nell came along she had somebody to relate to, somebody she could be herself around without secrets.

Deeks scrubbed his face, only by the color of the water was he noticing how much of Kensi's blood had settled onto him, this made him shudder and begin to rub his skin raw with a tough scour-like sponge that created painful minuscule cuts all over his form.

He grabbed the shower gel and rubbed that into his skin, making it burn torturously as it met the invisible cuts.

Finally he washed and washed his hair, but he never completely felt clean.

He stepped out of the shower and began to towel himself dry before opening his go bag and getting dressed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN; Okay, Once again, Ff wouldn't let me update.  
>But hopefully it will stop that shenanigans.<strong>

**I hope you liked this chapter, for once it wasn't a cliffhanger, and the next one should be up by Friday.**

**Please review x love you lots x**

**-LJ**

**PLEASE READ**

**P.S: I'm going to be writing a 'Densi-verse' soon (Densi universe) where there will be one story that contains so many chapters, another one adding onto that and etc, I'm also writing a bunch of random one-shots that will be posted over the next few weeks - so of anybody has any one-shot requests just shove it in the reviews or private message me it and I'll see what I can do :D**

**And anybody subscribing to me on YouTube, new Densi vid either tomorrow or Wednesday :D**


	7. Chapter 7 The blame does fall

Deeks was sat back in his chair next to Kensi's bed, not touching her at all as he observed the nurse change her bandages. His hands were close to his face as he tried not to think about what was under the bandages, sure he was watching the nurse change them, but when they were removed he diverted his gaze to a spot on the wall.

"You're a cop right?" The nurse spoke up.

Deeks glanced back to the blonde-haired young nurse. "Uh, yeah" he moved his hands away from his face and pulled his body up straighter in the seat.

"This is your partner? She's a cop as well?" The nurse tucked the covers under Kensi's legs and up to her waist, sorting her arms above the sheets and smoothing down the top of her hospital gown around her breasts to prevent any rashes or rubbing. She looked back up at Deeks.

"No, well yes, she's my partner, but she isn't a cop, she's a federal agent." Deeks smiled slightly.

The nurse looked back down to Kensi, re-adjusting her tubes and wires, lifting a syringe from the metal tray beside her that contained a blue fluid and inserting the needle into her IV tube leading into her right hand. "She is very beautiful"

"Yeah..." Deeks softly agreed with the nurse, watching her some more.

The nurse stuck her hand in the pocket of her scrubs and pulled out a sleek black comb, leaning over Kensi and softly combing what was left of her beautiful curls. The nurse had arranged a bowl of warm water and hair products in so she could sort out Kensi's hair properly, cutting it all down to shoulder length neatly so it no longer looked like it was attacked by a lawn mower.

Deeks helped hold Kensi's shoulders ever so slightly as the nurse washed and treated her hair before blow-drying it and laying her back down, re-adjusting her sheets and gown again.

"Everybody deserves to look nice, even in this state" The nurse said, not really to Deeks, it was more like she was addressing Kensi.

Deeks nodded in agreement even though the nurse was not focused on him. "I've never seen her hair so short before." He observed as the shoulder-length hair sat neatly on the pillow, gently tucked behind her ears, bangs pinned back with the rest of her hair to stop irritation to the wounds on her face.

"She could pull anything off." The nurse smiled once again as she began to rub a light cream-colored cream onto the cuts on Kensi's cheeks. Deeks looked at her confused.

"It's cocoa butter... It helps minimizing scarring and stretch-marks... It's not exactly hospital protocol, but it works for me, I'm just hoping it will work for her"

"Thanks" Deeks smiled. "I never caught your name?"

"Keera" The blonde nurse smiled, tucking a rouge hair behind her ear. "Nurse Thomas" she corrected.

"Detective Marty Deeks." He re-introduced himself- of course she already knew who he was due to the other nurses and doctors telling the story of the 'loyal partner'

Deeks looked back down at Kensi and took her hand into his again. "Do you have any news on her? The sort you're not supposed to tell me?" he pleaded.

Keera bit her bottom lip and looked into her eyes. "Promise me you won't say anything, no matter how harsh it is"

"I promise" he returned her pleading gaze.

"They can't get hold of Ken-Agent Blye's mom, and if she doesn't start breathing on her own by Tuesday, they're going to give her a cat-scan and if that shows she isn't responsive" Keera paused "They're declaring her brain-dead, and it will be her moms decision what to do next, whether to take her off life support or keep her going"

Deeks took in a sharp breath and looked down at Kensi. "I guess she's going to have to start breathing then" he practically whispered.

"I hope so, for your sake."

Deeks looked up at Keera questionably.

Keera blushed. "You... You clearly love her, and you haven't left her side, I'd hate to have to see you if... you lost her."

Deeks closed his eyes and sighed. "I can't lose her"

"Can I ask a question?" Keera looked at him and rested her hands on the side of Kensi's bed.

"Shoot" He looked back to her.

"Did you kill him? The man who did this to her?"

Deeks nodded. "I did, I did whilst he was pushing glass up to her neck, if I hadn't have shot him he wouldn't have gone down, he wouldn't have slit her throat."

"The wound to her neck isn't that bad, it's only a heavy flesh wound, it's the internal bleeding from beating and ra-" She stopped and looked at him. She swallowed. "And rape, that caused the real damage"

He shut his eyes again.

"If you hadn't have shot him, he could have dug deeper with that glass, and you could have lost her in seconds, so don't blame yourself, praise yourself"

"I can't praise myself when it is my fault, I was meters away from her when she was taken, I was busy talking about her, I could have missed her cries for help because I was engaging in a conversation with a perverted co-worker about her body-of all things-I could have missed her screams, If only I had been listening, I could have prevented all of this" he exhaled. This was the first time had admitted it out loud to anybody. He dropped Kensi's hand and fell into her seat, feeling the need to use Keera as his vent.

"And when I should have been looking for her I feel asleep on her couch, where I woke up to a letter describing what was happening to Kensi, an audio card of her cries of pain, it had some of her hair in it, it was signed by Santa, now if only I had stayed awake, IF ONLY. I could have caught the guy who slipped it under the door."

Keera looked at him.

"The only good thing I did was find her daughter, but then I ended up letting her daughter hear about what had happened to her mom, causing poor little Amy more hurt. If Callen wasn't there she would have heard every detail. Instead she just heard that her mother was being raped by her father. And you know what she asked me?" Deeks hit the side of the chair.

"What did she ask?"Keera said timidly.

"She made me promise, that if we didn't reach Kensi in time... She made me promise to take her to her funeral-the funeral of the mother she never even met-This girl, this 10 year old is too much like her mother, and they have never even met. She asked me if she would ever see me again, I couldn't answer that, because if I lose Kensi I will have to face that little girl, I will have to tell her that the mother that gave her up is dead before they ever got chance to meet, the mother whose last words were her daughter's name."

Deeks stopped and realised Keera had a stray tear. He softened his tone. "If I lose Kensi... I don't think I will be able to see her daughter again, they look so much alike, it will be painful. And If I don't lose her, I will never see Amy again for her sake; so I don't want to be the one in either situation to explain it, to explain to a little girl her mother is dead, or explain to Kensi that the man knew very well that his daughter was alive, and that he could still hurt her even though he is dead."

"Either way, I don't think I will see Amy again."

He concluded his admission of guilt.

Keera looked down at Kensi. "You sound like a good guy that feels like he went wrong. I'm sure she would probably tell you off if she knew you were here waiting for her to respond, and she would probably have forced you to sleep whilst she was gone, everyone works better rested." Keera looked at him. "And as for discussing her as she was being taken, I heard you were quite a distance away, and with a hair dryer bleating, I wouldn't blame you for not hearing nay screams, even though I doubt screams were there, Kensi is a fighter from what I've heard, she probably held her own before being subdued."

Deeks looked at her "How did you find that out?"

"Your friends weren't exactly the quietest whilst they visited, and they don't blame you, in matter of fact, I head the two big guys talk about how you should stop beating yourself up."

"You're observant."

"What can I say; 'Nurse' has never been my desired title in life." She smiled as the shrill sound of her beeper filled the room. "Sorry, I have to go." She shot her hand down to her waist and whacked her beeper off.

"I understand... Thank you."

Deeks took up Kensi's hand again as Keera exited the hospital room, not looking back.

All Deeks could think of was how surprised he was at the fact he had outed all to a nurse he met, but couldn't confront the team of his mistakes, he felt like he had scared Nurse Thomas in a way with his tone as he described what had happened.

Normally he would hit on nurses, but this one wasn't interested in him and god, he wasn't interested in her, she was just somebody to talk to, somebody that was there and seemed like she knew what he was talking about, she understood him in a sense, more than Nell did.

But she worked around death, she saw these situations, families, lovers, and taking her observation skills into account he guessed she studied their behaviour for some unknown cause.

Deeks was pulled out of his daydream by his phone beeping viciously at him. He dropped Kensi's hand and ran his thumb over her fingers before digging his phone from his pocket and opening the text.

'_Amy is fine, I let her open her presents with her friends, she's asleep on the sofa in the bullpen at the moment under Nell's watch, you okay? Kensi fairing well? –G'_

Deeks read the text over a few times. Amy was safe, that was a relief, but she was also at the OSP, and if she stayed there he would eventually have to face her. How was he? He felt a lot better after using Keera as his vent. How was Kensi fairing? He had just found out she has a 50-50 chance of being taken off of life support, so how was his partner fairing?

'_I'm good, glad to hear about Amy. Kens is... Well, she's not deteriorating or improving, the nurse came in and washed he, cut her hair so it's neat and changed her bandages. How is everyone there? Is it just you? –DD' _

He sent that back fast, DD was a bit of a habit he hadn't managed to kick, even when texting Kensi, DD meant 'Detective Deeks' nobody objected to it so he never saw reason in explaining it. He held his phone anxiously.

'_Just me and Amy, Hetty took Eric and Nell to one of her houses to try and calm them down and get them into the Christmas spirit, I'll tell you one thing, she isn't going to succeed. Possibly the worst xmas ever. We're both fine. –G'_

Deeks barely had time to read that message before another one came through.

'_Amy asked earlier if she is going to see you again, I couldn't answer her, are you planning to? Are you ever going to leave the hospital? –G'_

Deeks sighed and tapped back.

'_I don't know if I can handle seeing her just yet. And I'm not quite ready to leave, not after what Nurse Thomas told me –DD'_

Deeks sent the text and turned off his phone, not really wanting to hear any more from Callen at this time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So Keera is just another OC, She's in no way a love interest for anybody, she's just there, and I really hope you liked her, because she will be returning soon.**

**I really hope to get a few more reviews this chapter, it may be a long-shot, but let's see if we can reach 90 reviews by chapter 7, which will be next Friday(or Saturday) so we have a week to reach it :D**

**Love y'all x**

**-LJ **


	8. Chapter 8 Humanity

Detective Deeks?" A soft voice filled to room. "I brought you some food"

Deeks smiled at Nurse Thomas walking in with a tray of snack-type food, even she seemed to know he wouldn't eat anything normal right now.

Deeks put his hands out and took the tray from her "Thanks" he smiled as he inspected what was actually on the tray:

A small bag of salted almonds, a sliced apple in a small bowl, coated in lemon juice (to keep it from going brown) A flapjack on a round saucer a large mug of coffee, black and a chocolate bar.

"I hope that's okay for you, it's all I could really get from the kitchens without buying a proper meal."

"It's perfect Thank you" he smiled at her and took a piece of apple, eating it to show her he would.

"Okay then, I have to get back to work now, bye" she smiled at him and scurried out of the room.

Deeks placed the tray on Kensi's bedside table; he was planning to eat it, just not yet.

Callen had forced Nell to come down to the hospital earlier to find out why Deeks had turned his phone off, she was pretty pissed at him for turning it off in the first place, especially what was going on with Amy.

Nell had told him off, made sure his phone had been turned back on and left all in the space of 10 minutes - that girl worked fast.

Deeks watched the rise and fall of Kensi's chest, listening to every beep of every machine, trying to hear or see something more than he had before. Nell said something before she left earlier, and he couldn't get it out of his head.

'_You should try talking to her, you know ask her things, tell her about Amy. They say coma patients can hear you – even if they don't remember it when they wake up'_

Talk to her? How was he going to talk to her and not get a response, if he told you the truth, he didn't know how to speak to her without waiting for her remarks every minute or so.

"Kensi" He started off. "I'm just going to just go ahead and say this, even if you can't hear me."

"It's been really strange without you, Monty is at your place, and he has bonded with your cat... As far as I know Nell is feeding them... I'm scared Kens'" He rubbed his face. "You were bleeding so much... you had internal bleeding as well... We just need one sign that you're actually in there, please?"

He stared at her and nothing happened. "You want to hear more?" He asked. "Amy is fine, she had a good Christmas, can't say that anybody else has, especially not you."

"I want to apologise Kens'... Nurse Thomas keeps telling me that it's not my fault, but I feel like it is, I should have been listening for my partner, and instead I was discussing you with that creep Kevlar. But of course if you can hear us you would have heard me tell Nurse Thomas, I hope you do remember some things about you comatose state, especially her, she has been so devoted to you, she comes here in her spare time to make sure both of us are okay, she cut your hair nicely so it all matched and gave you a wash. She replaces your bandages and even puts cocoa butter onto your face every few hours, it to minimize the scarring that bastard has caused... But you're a girl of course you would know what it does" He laughed nervously as he watched her.

She looked so peaceful, her eyes were shut and her eyelashes were flicking out neatly, her mouth has tape all around it with two tubes going down her throat. Her nose had two tubes, one going into each nostril as the tubes looped back behind her years, joining up into one around the back of her head and leading into an oxygen bottle.

Her hand also had a lot of tape holding in one of her IV's, the other was on her left fore-arm, also held in with tape.

There was a heart monitor clipped to her index finger (It has a vein leading right to the heart, who knew?) that constantly sent a small shock into her finger to take her reflex actions to see if she was in control, so far nothing.

"God, I wish I had some way of speaking to you directly... Just please pull through, I'm not going to say pull through for me, your mom, not even for Amy. Kensi, please, just show some sigh that you're still alive, that you know what's going on. Please. For your own life, if your don't they're going to take it away from you" he started to tear up slightly.

"Nobody wants you to die, we all love you so much" he picked up her hand. "I'm just asking for one breath, one breath on your own, the monitors will pick it up and the doctors won't kill you" he had tear running down his cheeks now. "It doesn't even have to be a breath, just flinch, inside, it doesn't have to be physical, but if your brain notices that shock, the doctors notice that you're alive. Please Kensi."

Deeks stood up and sighed, putting Kensi's hand down. "Please."

He walked over to her bedroom door, he really needed to breathe, he had been in this room since they had found Kensi.

He needed to think.

Deeks put his hands in his pockets and began walking down the hospitals endless corridor. After a while he realised where he was headed, the hospital chapel. Deeks sped up as he saw the doors, waltzing through them into the empty room.

Obviously nobody relied on God anymore for guidance.

And if he was being honest, he didn't either, God was never there to stop his dad hurting him when he was younger, why would he be there now?

Deeks walked halfway up the aisle and into a middle pew.

He sat down dead centre and just stared ahead, he admired the patterns of the tapestries that look old – granted they were in a hospital they were probably made in china – but they were still beautiful. They had patterns of people dying, but also on healers, one displayed the story of the Good Samaritan.

Deeks decided it was now or never, he clasped his hands together and looked at the stained glass.

"God, whoever you are. Everybody is starting to give up on you, so maybe you have some time to listen to me instead of a preacher. For two minutes" He sighed. "Look... The woman in room 479... She's in bad shape... but you know that"

He separated his hands and shook his head. "You don't need to be sucked up to if you exist, I don't need to plead you" He said quite loudly, leaving a small echo. "If anything I need to be direct."

He walked out of the pew and began walking to the front. "She needs help, and obviously the doctors don't care if they lose her, in the time I've been here I've only seen one person in medicine who gives a damn about her, and that's Nurse Thomas"

He reached the front. "At least I know you did something right." He stopped and put his hand on the altar. "I just thought you should know; I have no respect for you. I hear these stories about how god's always there, even if somebody is killing a child, god is in that child feeling the pain" He paused again.

"I think that's bullshit. Books claim that you love us all, that you created us, everything. 'God rested on the 7th day, so should you' I hear that a lot, and I finally understand what it means, it means that you only give a crap about humanity for 6 days of each year, and for the rest you watch us, like we're some fucked up TV show" he spat.

"If you gave a damn about humanity you would help get through to her and everybody else in this place. You would show them what life was, and that they had a purpose. But instead you have given up on the planet you created; you gave up a long time ago."

Deeks picked up a silver goblet on the altar. "Why should I think you would help me, you never did when I was a boy. Why should you care about Kensi, you took her father away, you gave her a child too young, knowing it would pain her every day that she gave that child up, you made the father of that child then abduct her and rape her" Deeks put the goblet down. "You don't care."

Deeks turned around and began to walk out.

Why did he come here when he knew for a fact t wouldn't help him, if anything it got him more pissed off. Deeks rubbed his face and started walking back up to Kensi's room when Nurse Thomas ran up to him.

"There you are! I thought you had left, oh my god, can you believe it?" She smiled to him.

"Whoa Keera, slow down, what's happened?"

"Just 20 minutes ago she was brain dead, this is un-heard of."

"Keera, back up, what's going on?" Deeks said nervously.

"You don't know?" She widened her eyes.

"Obviously not if I'm asking"

"She's awake, Detective Deeks. Kensi is awake"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So hey, ignoring that cliffhanger, I hope you guys have liked the one-shots I've been posting! And sorry its sorta very short...**

**Oh a second note.**

**That cliffhanger, I'm surprised, literally. I didn't know that was going to happen. I really hope this grabbed your attention a little bit :) **

**I realize I'm actually losing readers because it's a Christmas fic... and it's currently April... (wow time has gone fast...!) So I'd really like some reassurance you're still here.**

**So, pretty please review, Let's see if we can reach 100 before chapter 9! :) (Doubt it, seeing as we didn't reach 90 by today... but 86 is good too :D)**

**Love you guys xx Expect and update on Friday and a one-shot... well every day!**

**-LJ x**

_PS: Two years ago today, Deeks and Kensi were on our screen for the first time, so HAPPY DENSI DAY! (April 6__th__) A few of us densi fans have made Densiday vids over on our youtube channel, or you can find them on the DensiDay tag on twitter :D have a good one! (what's left of it...)_


	9. Chapter 9 Don't Speak

**A/N: OMG IT LET ME UPDATE OMG I'M SO HAPPY.  
>OKAY THE REASON YOU HAVEN'T BEEN RECIEVING ONESHOTS IS FANFICS FAULT.<br>I HAVE TWO TO UPLOAD AND ONE CHAPTER OR 'I MISS HIM;  
>OMG. I'M LITERALLY SO HAPPY.<strong>

**Sorry about that... heh... Okay, So as I said, I have 2 one-shots to upload, Now I could upload them both today or we ignore the past 3 days and I upload them over the weekend xD Your choice.**

**So, She's awake, read ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnn :D**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously:<strong>_

"_Whoa Keera, slow down, what's happened?"_

_"Just 20 minutes ago she was brain dead, this is un-heard of."_

_"Keera, back up, what's going on?" Deeks said nervously._

_"You don't know?" She widened her eyes._

_"Obviously not if I'm asking"_

_"She's awake, Detective Deeks. Kensi is awake"_

* * *

><p>"She's awake..." It took a few seconds for him to register it before he bolted down the corridor towards Kensi's room.<p>

Keera re-gathered her composure just in time to see Deeks fleeing down the corridor.

She was awake.

Deeks rushed past everybody and burst into her room, a doctor looked up started and Kensi's head turned weakly to look at the intruder.

As soon as she saw him, she smiled.

"Deeks" she said rasping.

"Don't try to talk Ms Blye" The doctor warned as Deeks rushed inwards and took his seat, grabbing her hand without permission.

"Oh my god" he closed his eyes tight, testing it wasn't a dream. He reopened them and smiled. "I should have been here, I'm so sorry... The first time I leave and you wake up."

Kensi squeezed weakly on his hand and stared into his eyes, and completely ignoring the doctor's orders she spoke slowly. "I heard you."

Her voice was almost silent in its delivery; she looked at the shock in his face and spoke more. "It's not your fault."

"Shh" he said, stopping her saying anymore. "Doctor Robbins said not to talk."

He didn't need this from her. He didn't need to hear from her as well. Nobody would let him blame himself, but for whatever reason, he had to until knowing if he had missed her screams or cries for help. And he didn't want to find out from her if she did or didn't.

"Deeks, please" She still continued to try to speak, even though it came out so low and so flustered due to the breathing tube.

"Ms Blye, Don't make me have to dose you up, please stay silent, Nurse Thomas will be back with a netbook for you to type on." the doctor warned.

Deeks perked up to the name, he remembered shoving her in the corridor and dropped his head - _'I hope she didn't get hurt_' - he thought to himself.

The doctor's pager beeped harshly. "I have a patient to get to; I trust you will follow my orders until Nurse Thomas comes?"

Kensi just nodded and watched the doctor leave. She looked down at her hand that was in Deeks'. This can't be his first time taking it. He had picked it up - avoiding all of the tubes and cuts safely.

Kensi looked back up at him as his other hand reached up and landed on her shoulder, touching her shoulder length hair lightly. Kensi went slightly wide-eyed when she realised that her head did lighter and shot her hand up to her hair, looking at Deeks.

"It's okay... Dubree did bad things... Your hair was bad, Nurse Thomas cut it for you so it would look nice" He paused. "It does, you know, look nice"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "As If—" She began to speak but was cut off by Deeks.

"No speaking, doesn't it hurt even a little bit to talk with that thing jammed down your throat. Just wait a few minutes for Keera to return" He said, rubbing her hand lightly with his thumb. "I should have been here..."

Kensi shook her head and wanted to say something but knew she would get the third degree, instead she just squeezed his hand and waited.

After a few minutes Nurse Thomas returned with the netbook, Kensi smiled at her and wrote 'Thanks' the first chance she got.

"Thanks, Keera" Deeks smiled to the woman.

"I'll be back in about an hour... I'll give you guys some time alone, if you need me just punch in the number '6534' into the box by the door" She smiled. "It my pager code"

"Thanks" Deeks said again, turning his attention back to Kensi, he moved his seat so he was directly next to her, closer to her.

He watched as she began to type.

'_I heard you, not much, and I don't know why, maybe it was when I was trying to regain consciousness, I heard you telling me about Monty, just that he liked my cat, but that's not all. You were trying to apologize, I don't know what for but I know you were, and I want you to know, even though I don't remember, none of this was you, none of this was your fault'_

He read it over and dropped his head, hearing her type again.

'_It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. Whatever you were doing when I was taken, you obviously had no cause to be concerned about me otherwise you would have been able to prevent this, I don't remember how I was taken, but I'm sure if I knew I was in harm's way, I would have found a way, I would have done something. So if I found no way to get to you that is not your fault.'_

"You were in the gym, I was meters away from you when it happened. If I couldn't even sense something was wrong I'm not good at my job, I'm not good at protecting you." He looked at her and pushed a bit of hair out of her face.

'_You're damn good at your job Deeks'_

Kensi's eyes suddenly went wide and she began to freak out. "Amy, Amy" She said ignoring the tube and her orders.

"Kensi! Kensi calm down" He held her hand tighter and looked her in the eyes. "Amy is okay, she's with Callen... CALLEN!" He sounded alarmed. "Nobody knows you're awake!" He let go of her hand and grabbed his phone, Kensi fisted the hospital blanket in effort to get that comforting feeling she had holding Deeks' hand back.

She watched Deeks dial what she assumed was Callen's number relatively fast.

"Callen, its Deeks... She's awake." He looked hard at nothing for a minute before saying again. "Okay"

He quickly joined Kensi again when he noticed she had typed something.

'_Anybody miss me? ;P'_

Deeks smiled slight and offered her his hand again, noticing her grip on the hospital blanket. She took it without having a second thought.

"Everybody missed you, Nell didn't sleep until we found you – and that was only because Hetty forced her... They found some bad... Media concerning you on Dubree's computer." He felt Kensi flinch slightly. "Nell got a little ill, according to Callen it got to the point where Eric was just holding her as she cried."

"I don't know who missed you more, me or Nell"

'_She's my friend'_ Kensi tapped.

"I know she is" Deeks smiled.

They sat in a comfortable silence, Kensi clutch Deeks hand near her chest – She was afraid of what would happen if she let go.

In about 10 minutes to door shot open and Nell rushed in.

"Kensi, Oh my god" Nell had tears in her eyes.

Kensi smiled at her friend and looked at Deeks's hand that she was clutching. "Uhh. She isn't allowed to talk, but she is happy to see you" Deeks smiled as he took his hand away from Kensi slowly, assuring her it would be okay and passing her the netbook.

"I'll go see Callen, I'll be back in, in a few minutes."

Deeks stood up and Nell took his seat appreciatively, walking to the door and immediately hearing Nell start a conversation.

Deeks walked out and down the hall, where he saw everybody – and by everybody – that meant including Amy.

"Mr Deeks" She ran up to him, before he had chance to react the girl wrapped her arms around him. He looked at Callen his shock before returning the girls embrace.

"Sorry Deeks, we had nowhere safe to take her" Callen said.

"That's fine." Deeks said, letting the 9 year old go and crouching down to her level. "hey, girl" He tucked some stay curls behind her ear.

"Hey" She smiled brightly. "Is she okay?" The girl stood on her toes and looked over Deeks' shoulder to the steel doors.

"Kens' is doing fine." Deeks addressed the whole room.

"Mr Deeks?" Amy grabbed his attention again. "I understand if she doesn't want to... But can you ask her if I can see her?"

Deeks looked nervously at the girl and put his hands on her shoulders, she was so thin and fragile, he was afraid he was going to break her.

"I can't promise you anything, she did ask if you were okay though"

The girl nodded and sucked in her bottom lip, much like Kensi did when she was in her 'I'm upset but I won't admit it mode'.

"Your mother does that when she's upset" he said, putting his thumb on her chin and gently pulling her lips apart. "Don't be upset."

"I can't help it" The girl said strongly, changing her posture so that she was standing completely straight.

"At least you're more truthful than Kens'" Deeks muttered.

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing, kidding" He stood up and laughed nervously. "I'll go see Kens... I'll ask..."

"Thanks" The girl hugged him again before he walked back up the halls.

Deeks knocked on the door lightly before re-entering the room. "Hey" He smiled at the girls.

"Nell, I'm sorry, could you give us a minute. I need to ask Kensi something" He shifted on his feet.

"Sure, of course" Nell gave her friend one more smile before walking out.

'_What is it?'_ Kensi had tapped before Deeks sat down.

"Amy... She's here... She asked me to ask you if she could come and see you."

'_Deeks... I hope you didn't promise her anything... I haven't seen her since she was a baby, I couldn't deal with this whole open thing, being able to drop in and out when I please... I gave up on that when she was 1, Deeks... I don't know if I can'_

"I understand if you can't" He was cut off by Kensi putting her arm up and starting to type again.

'_I say I don't know if I can, but even if I can't, I need to' _

"I'll go get her"

"Wait" Her raspy voice said.

'_The doctor is taking this thing out of my mouth in a few hours, I'll be able to talk then, can we wait?'_

"Of course" He smiled and took her hand.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So as I said – FANFICS FAULT, NOT MINE.  
>Now I'm thinking of uploading the one-shots today but I just realised – I don't want to overload the fanfic and make it stop allowing me to update again, so I might just update 'I miss you' and put up one one-shot today.<strong>

**I do apologize.. so much.**

**Please review xx**

**-LJ x**


	10. Chapter 10 Go Back

**AN: So I've been moving and technically my internet is illegal.**  
><strong>So I'm at school.<strong>

**Oh, I forgot to mention, when Kensi was typing in the last chapter, the wrong words and any spellings mistakes were supposed to be there.**

**-LJ x**

* * *

><p><strong>PREVIOUSLY:<strong>

"_Amy... She's here... She asked me to ask you if she could come and see you."_

_'Deeks... I hope you didn't promise her anything... I haven't seen her since she was a baby, I couldn't deal with this whole open thing, being able to drop in and out when I please... I gave up on that when she was 1, Deeks... I don't know if I can'_

_"I understand if you can't" He was cut off by Kensi putting her arm up and starting to type again._

_'I say I don't know if I can, but even if I can't, I need to' _

_"I'll go get her"_

_"Wait" Her raspy voice said._

_'The doctor is taking this thing out of my mouth in a few hours, I'll be able to talk then, can we wait?'_

_"Of course" He smiled and took her hand._

* * *

><p>Deeks sat beside Kensi's bed, holding her hand as she looked up at the doctor who was stood flicking through her chart.<p>

"Okay, Ms-"

"Agent" Deeks cut in.

"_Agent_ Blye" the doctor corrected himself and cleared his throat. "Your vitals seem fine, and you're doing well breathing on your own, I think we can remove your breathing tube now"

Kensi sighed in relief and moved her hand around in Deeks' grip and smiled as best as she could with the tube protruding her mouth.

"Mr-"

"Detective" Deeks corrected him, again.

"_Detective_" the doctor corrected harsher than before. "You will need to let go of Agent Blyes hand for this to work."

Kensi looked up and down at Deeks before removing her hand from his grip, grabbing the sheets in attempt to replace the warmth and comfort.

"I'll go get Amy" Deeks smiled, pushing some of her now very short hair away from her face.

She smiled gratefully at him.

Deeks exited the room and walked down the hallway, he knew everybody but Nell had gone home, she said she would go home as soon as he came and took Amy, but he highly doubted that. It took a few minutes but he finally got to where they were sat – they had been moved away from the emergency corridor ever since Kensi woke up, so now the endless hall ways were even longer, and actually felt endless.

He walked over to where they had sat and gently poked Nell and the young girl awake. "You should go home now Nell, get some rest in your bed, where you won't get a bad back" He smiled as she woke up.

"Deeks… Her tube is out?" Nell asked, running her eyes as she lightly shook Amy, who hadn't responded to Deeks' poke, awake.

"Nell?" The girl murmured as she moved around, not wanting to wake up.

"Yes, and Deeks" She said soothingly.

"Deeks?" The girls eyes shot open and she yawned, sitting up. "Can I see her?"

"In a few minutes, they're just taking out her breathing tube" He smiled, putting his hand out to the girl.

"What if she doesn't like me?" Amy asked.

"She's you mommy, and you're just like her, she'll like you" Deeks smile twitched wider as the small girl took his hand.

"Bell, go home, get some rest, She'll still be here later."

"Says you" She pointed out the fact he hadn't left again.

"But I have that comfortable couch in Kensi's room to sleep on." He fought.

"Like you've even touched that couch" She laughed.

"That's enough" He said sternly. "Home, now"

Nell tried to hold back some laughter as she stood up. "What're you, my dad?"

"No. Your friend, you friend who sees you need sleep."

"Okay" Nell sighed as she bent down to the girl and gave her a hug. "Bye guys."

"Bye Nell" Amy waved.

_'She's nine years old, you have to remember that. She may seem more sophisticated sometimes, but she is still nine years old, a little girl, still a baby. Just take this slow, if this goes south, go after her' _Deeks told himself.

He held the girls hand as they walked down the corridor, passing the same patients he passed on his first trip down this hall. The same nurses giving him apologetic smiled, they seemed 10x more pity-fileld now he had a child with him, they didn't understand though, he didn't need pity. Kensi was fine. He didn't want pity. She was fine.

**_Fine. _**

And she was staying that way.

After a few minutes of walking he noticed Amy had come to a stop. He turned around and knelt down, looking at her blank face.

She was holding a locket that was around her face, he hadn't noticed it before under the grey dress.

"Amy?" He asked. "Is everything okay?"

She shook her head.

"What's up?"

"Hannah" She said.

"Hannah? Hannah who?"

"Duhamel"

"Who's Hannah Duhamel?"

"My friend. She came here before, I recognise those pictures on the hall, this is where they brought her." Amy teared up. "She came here and never came back."

It hit Deeks, the girl recognised this place as the place where her friend died, he pitied the girl and pulled her into a hug.

"It's okay Sweetie" He held the shaking girl. "We're going to go see your mommy, and later maybe we can pay respects to Hannah"

Amy nodded and grabbed his hand again as he stood up, wiping her face with her white sleeve (the shirt under the dress) and tucked the locket back in. Walking with him in the direction of the room she was in.

He opened the door slowly, sticking his head in first to see if the doctor was finished.

He was, in fact he was so finished, that he wasn't even in the room. Deeks smiled at Kensi who looked dover to the door and he pushed it open slowly, walking in with the girl trailing behind him.

Scratch that.

Hiding behind him.

Kensi looked confused as he got closer; he had already felt the girl holding onto the back of his shirt.

"Amy… This is you mom" He spoke up.

Amy looked around Deeks and smiled at the sight of Kensi. It was almost as if she recognised her.

Impossible, she was one when they last met.

Kensi held back tears as her daughter moved out from behind Deeks, and it hit her, this was her daughter, the one she abandoned 8 years ago because she was too scared.

Her baby girl.

_Her big girl._

Kensi Didn't know what to say, so instead she just raised her hand and waved.

Amy waved back and stuck her arm back into the neck of her dress, pulling out the silver oval locket with a 'K' engraved on it.

Kensi dropped.

Her arms went limp as she looked at the girl, holding the locker her mother had given her, the locket she gave to Amy the day she left.

She still had it, and she still wore it.

"They gave you it" Kensi said weakly.

"When I was 5" Amy said. "They told my mommy gave it to me when I was little, but I was too little to wear it when she gave it to me." She was almost whispering.

"Does it still have the picture in?" Kensi asked.

Amy nodded. "I added another picture though"

"Of who?" Kensi asked, sitting up straight as the girl walked closer and climbed on the edge of the bed, pulling the locket apart.

Deeks watched from a distance, he knew they both needed to be only with each other, but also knew they couldn't be left alone.

"My friend, Hannah, She was here once, now she is with the angels" Amy pointed at a picture of her and a blonde haired girl, they looked about 7.

Kensi shot a look at the other picture in the locket, it was her with Amy in her lap, when Amy was only 6 months old.

"Hannah is Very pretty" Kensi said, putting her hand on Amy's head and smoothing it all the way down her hair. "And so are you."

"Are you okay?" Amy asked her.

"I'm fine."

"I heard them in the place with the computers; I heard that my daddy hurt you."

"He did… But he's gone now"

"With the Angels?"

Kensi bit her lip. "No exactly, only nice people go to the angels"

"Then why did he live here in Los Angeles if he wasn't nice. Angeles has Angel in it" The girl questioned.

Kensi couldn't answer her, but she was surprised at the knowledge this little girl held.

"Deeks found me, and Callen watched me, then Nell did, they're all very nice, But I s'pose I have to go back to the shelter now I've seen you." Amy looked at her mother before hugging her.

Kensi ignored the pain and managed to bite back a yelp as the girl hugged her; Deeks saw the pain in her face and winced slightly. But saw she was dealing with it, putting her arms around the girl.

It broke Kensi's heart, but she had to send Amy back, she can't care for her, she doesn't have that mothering ability, plus, Amy seemed to be doing well, and that's all she wanted to know.

She could see Deeks broke at the words, he had obviously also become attached to the girl. But he knew she would have to go back.

"I'm sorry" Kensi said. "Yes, you have to go back."

Kensi started crying at her own words, but she released the girl.

"You have nothing to be sorry about mommy. Nothing at all. I'm happy where I am."

"And I am too" Kensi said, looking at Deeks. "More than happy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: WEIRD CHAPTER, ALSO AT SCHOOL. WELL I HAD ANOTHER CHAPTER AT HOME BUT IT SUCKED SO I RE-WROTE IT HERE AT SCHOOL. **

**I don't know how many more chapter this will have, maybe about 5 maybe less maybe more, but it seems really happy now. Warning.**

**That will change. **

**I'm putting a warning now, in a few chapters, not next chapter, but in a few there will be very graphic flash backs, Kensi will be having a Haaard time when she starts fully remembering everything that happened. **

**So pretty please review, PLEASE :D **

**I love you readers, the ones that are still reading….**

**-LJ x**


End file.
